english teacher.

So I have this english teacher who I ABSOLUTELY fell in love with during my classes with her. It’s not that she’s that amazing looking or anything, but it’s her beautiful spirit that is so open and lively and creative. I never knew someone could be so loving and passionate about their work as she has shown me…

Anyways, I currently don’t have her class and I’d been meaning to visit her for awhile, but truthfully, she makes me nervous…? pahaha. Well I finally got to visiting her today through my friend who is also a fan :D 

Lately, I’ve just been so spiritually drained and unmotivated in life. I never knew that I’d be getting so much help and inspiration from my english teacher… After all my friends had left I stayed in her classroom and sortof expressed how I felt at the moment—which alone is a big deal because there seems to be no one I can express myself to. She gave me such comfort and warmth, showing me that she genuinely loved and cared for me. Her encouraging words will never leave me.

Thank you, Lord for such an amazing teacher… 

Tags: God teacher

rebel, regret, repent, repeat.

The struggle for purity is endless and exhausting. Sometimes I feel that I alone am trying too hard and not letting God help me. But most of the time, it doesn’t matter what I feel, or think, or anything. Because either way I am still always struggling always hoping I could overcome.

When I think I’ve gotten somewhere, I always find myself back at square one. I want to believe I am progressing, but mostly I feel like I’m moving backwards. I know what I’m doing wrong, I know what I COULD be doing right, but I don’t. And I ask myself, “Why don’t I?” 

My plan for the day of my funeral, is to make it happy and festive. It’s a long way coming, but when I die, I’ll finally be happy. That’s not something people of this world should be sad about. 

But still, I know God has plans for me here. I know if I die without fulfilling his purpose, without being able to tell Him, “I did it, Father. I did it God.” I’ll never be fully satisfied. God has a greater plan I know, but I wish I could see it working a bit faster. 

I am caught between everything, simply entangled in my self-conflicts. I know. God will make a way. God will help. God is good. I know. I know all these things. But sometimes I find that my faith in these words is weak. Is it because I am young? Am I just feeling and going through the same thing that all teenagers go through? Is it temporary? and if it is, when will it end? 

when will this finally change. rebel, regret, repent, repeat OVERCOME.

the first domino

To begin with I began this blog in order to keep a record of my life, my faith, and struggles. Obviously, I don’t expect anyone to read these accounts. However, this IS my testimony. By perhaps pouring out my feelings into this blog, in the future, when I  have gotten where God wants me to be, I may take these experiences as a part of what I can tell and give others. So with this post I knock down the first domino. A beginning to what may be a curious chain of reactions. An adolescent boy. A pastor’s son. Where it all will lead only God knows.